What if?
by Moski
Summary: What if he had never met the love of his life? What if she had never arrived at the graduation dance and he missed his chance at giving meaning to his life? What if their eyes had never met? Their souls never bonded?
1. Prologue

A/N: Yes. This has been done before. No. I am not original. Yes I have read a ton of final fantasy VIII fan fictions. No I have never written one myself.

I just wanted to give it a go. It bothered me that a lot of the stories written out there didn't turn out the way that I could've imagined them to be. So after much of reading I finally coughed up the guts to post one of my own ideas. But it isn't one of my own ideas. It's been done before. But I might be able to do it better. Ha, I wish. Aw hell, I just want to have some fun writing, don't flame me for that. Sorry if you feel I'm doing a not-so-good job at it but that's your problem not mine. =)

Also, fear the shortest and most meaningless prologue of all time! Yay me!

**Prologue**

_What if she had never ran? What if she had lived a normal high-school life in Galbadia Garden? Not to become a SeeD mercenary, but to get a proper military education in order to follow in the footsteps of her father._

_What if he had never met the love of his life? What if she had never arrived at the graduation dance and he missed his chance at giving meaning to his life? What if their eyes had never met? Their souls never bonded?_

_The Children of Fate still saved the world. They rid the world of the future threat known as Ultimecia. But instead of a team of six they did it with only five. No sorceress to aid them in their quest. _

_Edea was the one that flew to outer space and freed Adel. The Ragnarok was never recovered. Squall never had to go after her to save her._

_Edea was the one used to send Ultimecia's mind into the past._

_All slight changes in the choices made, but fate determined that the outcome would eventually be the same._

_But is it really the same?_

_To one man and woman, it isn't. Although they might not realize it, life has made things a lot worse on them than it could've been. Than it _should_ have been._


	2. Chapter 1 Departure

A/N Need i remind you all of copyright? I think not. general plot/story line = mine. chars = square-enix.

Don't start flaming me just yet it's the first chapter!

Chapter 1: "Departure" 

"But sir, with all due respect, I do not see why-"

"It is required Squall." Cid cut him off. "You were involved with the designing of the new laws, you knew that they would affect your position as well."

"I am aware of that sir, but I never asked for the role of commander. You forced me into it."

"And I am glad to see that I made the right choice. The people of this garden look up to you Squall. You're the example that so many young students wish to follow up to." He intentionally paused a few seconds to strengthen his next few words. "You're a hero."

A hero. Why was it that everytime someone said that his skin crawled and an uncontrollable shiver went down his spine. He never asked to be commander. He never asked to be a hero. He never asked to be given the assignment to be shot out into space to avoid an evil sorceress from being released and reigning hell down upon the planet. He never asked to be sent out into the future to defeat another all-powerful evil sorceress that was threatening to compress time and destroy all existence as we know it. He was thrown into each respective pile of dung, blindfolded, gagged and with his hands tied behind his back.He just acted accordingly. Did what he had to do to survive it all, and to ensure the safety and survival of his teammates.

Yet people saw him as a hero. They almost worshipped him, named buildings and streets after him, built him a statue. Then why didn't he see himself as that man? Why didn't he see himself as 'The Lionheart'? He never felt like a hero, yet the people had dubbed him one. He wasn't perfect, how couldn't they see that? Everyone has their flaws. Squall wasn't any different from the next person. He didn't _want_ to be different. He just wanted to be left alone to go about doing his thing. And here he was sitting across from the man that was responsible for it all, and that man was scheming another devious plan to make life harder on him than it already was.

"Then why can't I just stay here?" He inwardly whinced as he hadn't intended to sound as whiny as he did.

_Good work Leonhart. Now jump up and stomp the ground like a little kid. That will convince him._

"Even hero's have to abide by the laws of SeeD. Although some things aren't as important, like curfew for example…"

Squall uncomfortably shifted in his seat as he recalled the happenings of a night only days before, when he had reluctantly helped Zell to sneak into the cafetaria at night to get some hotdogs, but was caught by Cid himself while standing watch at the entrance. He had made up an excuse about his watch being off time, and that he thought the cafetaria wasn't closed yet. Luckily Cid had bought it, but when Squall asked the headmaster what he was doing there so late at night, he turned red and stuttered something about how taking a stroll around Garden every once in a while calmed his nerves, before hurrying back to the elevators.

* * *

"You know, the weirdest thing happened…" Zell said when he returned, unaware that they were nearly caught just moments before. "You know that instructor that teaches both the classes of sorceress' and GF history?"

"You mean miss Kensington?"

Zell nodded as he looked into the bag filled with hotdogs and buns, counting their spoils as they cautiously headed back to the dorms. "I bumped into her in the cafetaria. She was sitting there all alone. Said she was waiting for her boyfriend."

"Boyfriend?" Squall shuddered at the thought.

_That old hag, a boyfriend? Here? The average age of the students in Balamb Garden, or even the instructors for that matter, must be a around sixteen or seventeen. The thought that one of them… with her… that's just wrong._

"She was dressed pretty enticingly too."

Squall was busy picturing miss Kensington when the word 'enticing' fell. The result of wich will be noticable in many a nightmare to come, he feared.

Zell quickly corrected his statement when he noticed Squall glancing at him with a disturbed look on his face.

"Er… well, as far as enticing goes for a woman at her age." He scratched the back of his head slightly embarassed of the remark.

Squall decided to let it go. "You were damn lucky I was here. Cid came by just a few minutes earlier."

"The headmaster?! What did he say?" Zell asked. And then in an even more surprised tone: "What was he doing here?"

Squall shrugged. "Said he was just taking a stroll. He bought my excuse and then hurried off to the elevators. It was strange though."

_Taking a stroll, my ass. He was up to something. Or maybe he had been following us all the way to the cafetaria? No, we would've noticed it. Cid may be the headmaster but he is no expert in espionage tactics, cunning enough to remain undetected. We would've heard him following us from a mile away._

"Say… you don't think… she was waiting for Cid, do you?"

"Miss Kensington and Cid?!" Squall exclaimed, immediately looking around hoping no one was there to overhear them. The thought was absurd, yet Cid's acting had made him rather suspicious.

"Yeah, nevermind. It's a crazy thought. Besides, he's married to Matron right?"

Squall tried to shake the thought of Cid and the old hag having an affair. Cid was married to Edea. And although they sometimes had their differences, he could see that they loved one another. Cid had always been supported by his wife, and after defeating Ultimecia she had been helping out at Balamb Garden taking care of the younger students attending there. She had always had a way with children, she hadn't been their Matron for nothing.

But a month ago Edea was asked to help out with the many orphans at Trabia Garden as they were still rebuilding the place. If it were up to Cid he probably would've sent someone else, but she insisted on going. And truth be told, there was no one better qualified to lend aid than Edea. No matter who, or how many there were, she was instantly recognised by most children as a surrogate mother, and Edea wouldn't have it any other way.

But Cid had been without his wife for over a month now, and would be without her for another two months. Surely he would be able to cope with their parting for three months. Or would he seek to find refuge and/or conselation with someone else? To put his urges somewhere else. Or _someone_ else. Someone like miss Kensington?

"…Right."

Squall almost gagged in disgust with his own thoughts. No way that Cid, his headmaster, would betray his wife. Certainly not with someone that looked more like a geezard than a woman.

"Well, see you tomorrow in class then, _commander_." Zell winked at him and hauled the bag of hotdogs over his shoulder. Squall gave him an inquiring look and nodded towards the bag.

"It's a s-e-c-r-e-t." Zell gave him another wink before entering his dorm room.

"Whatever."

* * *

"… but this is something none of us can get out of. It is a requirement. Without it you can not be the commander of any Garden."

"And that is a problem… why?" Squall replied sarcastically narrowing his eyes. He wouldn't mind being forced out of his function. He wouldn't mind it one bit. Stepping out from command wouldn't look good, he understood that. He understood that after everything that had happened, he couldn't just give it all up and be a regular SeeD again.

"Wether you like it or not, you are the commander of this Garden. Like I said, people look up to you. These students need someone to act as a rolemodel.

"I'm a rolemodel now?"

"Don't act like you don't know or care Squall. These people need you. Bare with me here, son. It's only for three months."

"…"

Three months in Galbadia Garden as a regular student. Squall hated all the duties and responsiblities that came with being the commander, having so many people depending on him was a burden of massive proportions. But every negative thing has a positive side as well. Being the commander also meant having certain privileges over regular students. Curfew was something that had no meaning to him whatsoever. Well, except when for instance Cid caught him in the act, but that was a rare occurance. He enjoyed walking around Garden at night. When there weren't students running around the hallways. No one gaping at him. No one asking for his autograph. Yes that actually happened to him once. He replied asking if the guy maybe wanted to take a _closer_ look of Lionheart instead.

"Where do you want me to put it?" He had said, waving the gunblade in his face. Strangely, no one asked an autograph ever since.

Another privilege was his room. The room he now had to his disposal was twice the

size of his old one, with more windows that provided an incredible view of the garden courtyard, a bigger bathroom with both a shower and a tub, and a reasonable-sized kitchen.

And of course, not to forget, his 'king-size bed' as Selphie had called it, all the while bouncing up and down on it.

"looky me, I'm on Squall's bed!" She had managed to yell before he yanked her off his bed.

"I hope you enjoyed it, because this was the first and last time for you to have ever touched my bed." He had spat at her. He couldn't remember why he had brought her in his room in the first place, but Selphie had this way of getting him to do what she wanted.

The memory of the look on her face and the slight disappointment in her eyes almost made Squall snicker on the inside. He liked Selphie, annoying and hyper-active as she might be. Not that he'd ever tell anyone.

The bed wasn't even king-size really, although it was bigger than the standard SeeD and student beds. Two people could sleep comfortably in it, but he was the only one that ever occupied his room. No girlfriend for Squall. No need for one either. They only complicate things, give him more things to worry about. He had 'no time for a girlfriend', he stated once firmly. Yet he could find the time to help Zell steal hotdogs from the cafetaria… But that was different, he told himself.

Irvine had tried to teach Squall a thing or two, but after a few minutes of showing off Selphie knocked him down as his 'succes-rate' was alarmingly high.

_Poor Irvine._

"So… by noon tomorrow you will be off to Galbadia, to meet with general Caraway. He wants to meet you before you start your first day at Galbadia Garden."

Oh joy, he was going to meet a general tomorrow. More politics.

"Wait, tomorrow?! But I have a ton of paperwork to finish!"

"Already taken care of. Quistis will act as your replacement while you are gone."

"But sir, the test tomorrow…"

"Don't worry about it. I suggest you start packing. And take the time to say goodbye to your friends. Six months is a long time."

"Excuse me? Six months?" The old man was on a roll today, coming up with one unexpected surprise after another.

"Of course, three months at Galbadia, and after that at Trabia Garden. And once Esthar Garden is completed-"

"I get the picture." Squall rubbed between his eyes. He felt a headache coming on.

"Cheer up son. Just think how happy Irvine and Selphie will be when I tell them you switched places with him in Galbadia."

"Well at least _someone_'s happy about this." Squall grumpily mumbled.

"Excuse me?"

"Tomorrow at noon sir. I'll be ready." Squall had switched back to formal-mode.

"Good. I wish you the best of luck."

They both stood up and Cid motioned to shake Squall's hand. He merely nodded and saluted the headmaster, and headed out of his office.

"…And I'll miss you." Cid whispered as the door slowly closed behind the young commander.

* * *

"Six months?!" Zell exclaimed, trying to keep up with Squall's pace. "When did you find out?"

"Yesterday."

It wasn't a complete lie. He had known for quite a while, but the new laws that were made as a preparation for the newly built Esthar Garden were only of effect as of yesterday. He was silently hoping that Cid would let it go and forget about it. Bute fate was cruel, especially to Squall Leonhart.

"No! I don't want Squally to leave." Selphie tugged on his suitcase.

_Mental note: Kill Selphie if she ever calls me Squally again._

"We didn't even get to throw you a going-away party!"

_Hyne be praised._

"Where's Quistis? Shouldn't you say goodbye to her too?"

Squall hadn't intended on saying anyone goodbye. They just had this annoying way of finding him everytime he didn't want to be found. He had hoped that they would be in classes by the time he had to leave, but of course their class was out early today. Just his luck. He would've loved to see their faces.

_"Hey have you seen Squall today? What do you mean, Galbadia? Since when? Last week?!!!"_

A soft grin appeared on his face at that thought.

"Quistis left me a note. She was too busy."

"And you didn't think of telling us?"

_Oh I thought about it, and I tried to avoid you two hyperactive little pests._

"Somehow I knew I'd run into you."

They had arrived at Squall's car and he threw his suitcase in the trunk. Why were they still following him around? He was leaving. Deal with it.

"We'll miss you, Squall." Zell scratched the back of his head uneasy.

Miss him? A grumpy dark commander who attended classes and sat in his office filling out paperwork all day long. What was there to miss? But they'd be more than happy once they found out that Irvine was up in Cid's office being briefed on the changes in rules and regulations. They'd forget about him soon enough.

* * *

"Hey Squall, been a while."

_Not long enough. _

"Kinneas." He said as he shook the cowboy's hand. He didn't really mean that thought, but old habits are hard to get rid of.

"So how's the luck with the ladies?"

The sound emitted by Squall was hard to define. Somewhere in between a grunt and a snore.

"Still no wife for you to come home to eh?"

"Not that it's any of your business. But no."

Irvine, the ladies' man. Apparently chicks digged the ponytail, cowboy hat and long coat combination. Usually he was blunt and direct, but for some reason he never failed to impress Squall with how many women he could twirl around his finger with that southern accent and smooth voice of his.

"Sorry to hear that, but trust me, having a girlfriend isn't all that great. Did you know that over at Galbadia there are way more hot girls than before? I'm telling you, if it wasn't for Selphie, I would've-"

"Good morning Irvine, sorry to keep you waiting." Cid interrupted thankfully as he walked into the office. This was one of the few times Squal was actually glad to see the man.

"Oh, good morning headmaster. No problem, I was just telling Squall about all the mighty fine women over at Galbadia that are just dying to meet the commander of Balamb Garden and slayer of Ultimecia. Yes sir, he'll have 'em for the pickin'."

Irvine tipped his hat and winked at him, whispering: "I put in a good word for ya."

Great. As if having all the girls in Balamb Garden giggle and whisper all around him as soon as he entered a room wasn't enough. He was silently hoping that no one would know him at Galbadia Garden, That he could be just another speck on the walls, but that hope just flew out the window. For a moment Squall considered jumping after it. This was going to be a long three months. Maybe Trabia would be different, but if Squall had to bet on it… with his luck… fat chance.

* * *

Selphie jumped up to hug him before he got a chance to get into his car.

_For such a tiny girl she has a lot of strength._

Gasping for air he eventually managed to pry her off of him.

"I've got a feeling you won't miss me all that much."

"Are you kidding? I don't know what we're gonna do without you." Zell seemed to almost be sobbing. It was very unlike him

"Have a going-away party." Squall replied dryly as he got in his car.

"Without you?"

He shrugged. "It's still a party."

"Heeeeey… you're right!" Selphie's face was suddenly shining as bright as ever.

"Thanks Squall!"

_Don't mention it._

"See you in six months." With those last words Squall drove off to Balamb train station.


	3. Chapter 2 Grudges

A/N: Another chapter written in only two nights. Fear it. My brother said that the timing of the several loose paragraphs was a little confusing, but after re-reading it a few times, I think it's not that hard to grasp, no?

**Chapter 2: "Grudges"**

Hundreds of tiny snowflakes slowly twirled down from the sky. Not the slightest breeze could be noticed, wich was quite a rare occurance on the Trabian continent. It had been snowing softly like this all morning, and Edea had been enjoying it all that time.

"Matron?"

She turned around towards the voice and smiled at the blonde young man. He settled down next to her and stared out at the landscape in front of them. In the distance was a forest, but the main portion of their view was filled with endless plains of snow.

"It's beatiful isn't it? So peaceful."

"Yes. It is."

Edea noticed him staring along with her and smiled.

"It makes me feel at ease. It calms me."

His face immediately showed a mixture of hurt and grief. It made her want to reach out and take it all away from him, she couldn't bare to see one of her children in so much agony. But this was something that he had to get through by himself. He had to face his demons on his own.

"I wish I could feel like that again. I'd give anything to be at peace again, to right all the wrongs I've done."

"You will, someday. You can't make everything alright, too much has happened for that. But you can help minimize the damage. Lessen the hurt you've caused, the pain you've brought."

He felt her hand on his shoulder. There was a time that this simple gesture would have comforted him, would've made him feel secure.

Now it seemed empty.

"And I can't think of a better place to start then here."

He glanced over at the woman who had once been a mother to him. The woman he had loved like one. The woman who had been controlled by the same sorceress that had manipulated him, putting this voice inside his head telling him what to do, what to think, controlling his every choice. He'd like to think that he was being controlled. But he knew that deep down somewhere he had made the choice to hunt down a dream. That was the first, and worst choice of all.

"I hope you're right Matron." He whispered as he kept his eyes on the falling snow, fighting the tears he felt burning in his eyes. "I hope you're right…"

* * *

The sound of rushed footsteps and doors slamming echoed through the otherwise so silent hallways of the huge mansion. The few beams of light falling through the drapes cut through the darkness in the dusty halls, letting the particles that flew around light up like dozens of tiny fireflies on a warm summer's night. It was a stark contrast with the cold emptyness around it in the shadows.

The air was stirred by a young girl rushing through the hall with her body and hair wrapped in a towel, the drops of water on her skin shimmering as she passed through the light.

"Would you hurry it up already! He could be arriving any minute!"

A tall, broad man dressed in a uniform with countless medals and broches on it hurried down the stairs and paused in front of a mirror to check his attire one last time. He had been anticipating this meeting all day.

"Oh father, stop worrying, you'll give yourself a heart-attack."

"I told you to get ready over half an hour ago and still you aren't ready."

The arrival of the commander in Deling was a big political happening. He had hoped that his daughter would be the one to bid him welcome in their city. As she would be the one to follow in his footsteps one day, this was the perfect opportunity to practice her political social skills. She was being as stubborn as ever though.

The man walked over to the window and glanced outside. Reporters were waiting outside of the entrance hoping to catch a glimpse and a few words from his guest. News of his arrival had spread fast throughout the city. He himself was notified of the visit only two days earlier, and he had ordered it to be kept silent. But in a city like Deling, secrets don't last long. This morning he had read it in the papers, and made a mental note to check up on his staff and see who leaked the information. Not that it was a 'really' big issue, but if it happened with small news like this, it could easily happen with more important things as well.

He was snapped out of his thoughts when he saw a black limousine pull up in front.

* * *

Squall looked out the window as they pulled up to the front gate of an enormous mansion. Immediately reporters dove in and camera's flashed in his face. The windows of the limo were tinted but that didn't stop them from trying to get a photograph of him. He hadn't expected his arrival to be such a big thing. First the bodyguards accompanying him from the trainstation, then to see an armoured limousine waiting for him. It was all a bit surreal.

He was reluctant to enter the limo earlier. It made him feel important, and it made him feel sick. Why were they making such a big deal out of it? He was hoping to rent a car, and maybe take a stroll around Deling when he arrived before meeting with the general. It would've given him a bit of rest and peace of mind before all the political crap. But when he got out of the train he was immediately met by four muscled brutes dressed in black, who almost carried him into the car.

The ride to Deling had been long and boring but it didn't take him long to find the mini-bar. He had raided it immediately and after drinking half the bottles inside he dozed off staring out at the scenery flashing by for the remainder of the trip.

The door opened and Squall got out, glad to be able to stretch his legs again. He felt a little dizzy. Was it because he had been sitting too long, or because of his raid on the minibar? He shook his head in an attempt to try and get rid of it, to no avail.

_Maybe both. _

The horde of people chattering at the gates were pushed back by security guards and he couldn't help but shake his head again, but now in disgust. All this drama over one man.

_Sickening._

He turned to face the mansion and couldn't help but be amazed at it yet again. He had been here before when they had tried to assassinate Edea, but it was an astonishing building. The sheer size of it was impressive.

Squall walked up to the giant doors and looked for a bell of some sorts, but to his surprise it opened up in front of him.

* * *

"You had better be ready!" The man yelled upstairs.

"In a minute!" A faint voice yelled back.

"Damnit!" Bringing her here from Garden had turned out to be a useless decision. He'd have a word with his daughter after this.

He looked out the window one last time, then instructed the maid to let his guest in.

* * *

Tugging herself into the dress her father had chosen for her to wear, she adjusted it untill it fit properly around her shoulders.

Her father had always been an impatient man, Rinoa knew this. She found a sadistic delight in making him wait, as it gave her a certain degree of control over him. He had always been the one to make the decisions in life for her, this was just about the only way she could get back at him. And she did it as often as she could.

"Is he here yet?"

She yelled as loud as she could, knowing fully well that their guest was already downstairs. She tried not to laugh out loud as she pictured her father's face.

He had arranged for her to entertain a commander of some Garden. Without even asking if she had any other plans. In the middle of her class she was picked up by her father's bodyguards and taken to Deling against her will. It was for her own good, he had said. How the hell did he know what was best for her? Who was he to think that he knew what she needed? That arrogant bastard.

After putting a few last touches on her make up, she started heading downstairs, but halted at the top of the stairway as she overheard her father talking to another man. It was the commander of Balamb Garden? She was expecting him to sound much older, not as young as the man downstairs. He sounded more like one of her fellow students. Not at all like her father or any other general she had met before. Intrigued by his voice she tried to peer down and see just who he was. He had his back turned towards her, however, and she couldn't see his face. If only he would turn around so she could see his face, eager to see just who it was.

From what she could see, he seemed young and slim. Dark hair flowed down to his fur collar, and his leather jacket fell neatly along his back. It made him seem broader than he really was, she figured. To look intimidating was important in the world of politics. But this man was dressed fairly casual, as if he had just been out downtown. Yet he stood there with an aura of self-esteem, like he thought there was no man in the world that could meet up to him.

Rinoa didn't know just how close to the truth her thoughts were.

She kept staring at him as he stood there unmoving. She let her eyes examine the figure and they flowed down to his leather pants. His _tight_ leather pants.

She blushed and looked away. There was no one around to see her, yet she felt that what she was doing, was intruding on him somehow.

_Come on Rinoa, no one can see you. No harm done in just looking, right?_

Quickly making up her mind she smiled inwardly and let her eyes indulge themselves on the young man below.

* * *

With a soft squeeking noise the doors slowly opened and the maid gestured for Squall to enter. He stepped into the hall and looked around. The place was still exactly the same. If they did a chemical analysis on the dust particles, even they would probably turn out to be the same as last time he got there. It was almost eerie how nothing had changed.

"Commander, You look well. I welcome you to Deling City."

The general walked up to Squall and shook his hand.

"Thank you general." Squall smiled at him and noticed a few wounds on the general's chin. He had cut himself shaving, apparently quite nervous about their meeting. Then why did he insist on it?

"It is always a pleasure to be here sir." He nodded at the general, careful not to lose eye contact. The man had started to sweat, and Squall was now sure that he was up to something.

"Is he here yet?" A female voice shrieked from the other side of the mansion. Squall knew that Caraway had a daughter, but she was a student at Galbadia Garden. This was a regular weekday, she was supposed to be in school.

"My daughter, I had wanted her to be the one to welcome you. But you know how girls her age are, always late. She'll be down in a minute, I'm sure. Please, have a seat."

Squall merely smiled and nodded. Great. This was why he was brought over here for? To be the testsubject for some general's daughter to try out her political skills on? Not in his lifetime.

"Forgive me sir but I have other business to attend to. Please make this brief."

The nervous smile that was present on the general's face faded quickly. This man was straight to the point. In a slow and steady voice the general started.

"Of course. The reason I invited you over here was not to talk politics or discuss anything related to it." The general explained as he slowly walked up to the window, looking outside. He could feel Squall's eyes fixed on him.

"I brought you here, to ask you a favour."

_I knew this wasn't just a meeting._

"Only recently did we let a new student attend to Galbadia Garden. A student you undoubtedly know."

A student he knew? He was talking about his daughter most likely. He probably thought that a high-ranking SeeD such as him would make a fine bodyguard for her. If he wanted a favour like that he would have to ask someone else at Galbadia Garden to do it.

"His name is Seifer Almasy. Now don't get all worked up just yet. At first we had our doubts about letting him attend to our Garden, but as it turned out he had already helped out with the rebuilding of Trabia Garden. On Edea's advice we decided to give him the benefit of the doubt, and he has proven to be an excellent student. That boy sure has changed."

_Seifer Almasy. _The words echoed throughout Squall's mind. His fixated stare at the general suddenly turned to a blank gaze. A sudden emptiness inside his chest enveloped him completely. They let him into a garden? After all he had done? After causing all the death and destruction, aiding in the possible annihilation of millions of lives in both past, present and future?

"You let him in?" Squall managed to stutter, his voice suddenly frail.

"I know what you're thinking commander. But please keep in mind that Ultimecia controlled his mind at the time. He did not act out of his own free will."

_He _chose_ to let her control him. Out of his own free will._

"Mister Kinneas was very aprehensive at first, but he too was astounded by the change in Almasy's behaviour."

Irvine knew? Of course he did, he probably went to the same classes as Seifer. But that would mean… he might have to as well. A lump the size of Lunatic Pandora caught in his throat as his thoughts were swept away by a rush of adrenaline at the thought of meeting Seifer again. His body was starting to tremble, along with his mind.

"The favour I'd like to ask of you, commander… well… let me put it plain and simple."

Caraway walked up to Squall and put his hand on his shoulder, forcing him to fix his attention back on the general.

"Please… Don't kill eachother."

Kill him. The thought rushed through his mind. Death would be something Seifer would be begging for once he was done with him. He would make him pay for all the pain he had caused.

"Please promise me."

Squall's azure blue eyes suddenly turned dark as the turmoil underneath finally surfaced to his exterior. Caraway immediately backed off, slighly startled, and maybe even fearing that a tiny portion of the emotion in the boy's eyes was directed towards him.

Squall replied in a hissing voice.

"I guarantee you nothing. Good day general."

He managed a salute before quickly leaving the mansion, heading straight for the limousine still parked outside.

"Commander wait… please! Squall!"

_Seifer… Finally we will meet again. This time, I'll be sure to finish this. Once and for all. You _will_ pay._

* * *

"Seifer?"

Rinoa whispered softly to herself as she dropped down to the floor in thoughts. What did the commander want with her her boyfriend? Did they know eachother? How? Don't kill eachother? Why?

Asking questions in her mind, Rinoa didn't notice Squall glancing up at where she had been standing. Despite the fact that he had his back turned towards her, he had noticed her standing there immediately, listening in on their conversation.

* * *

When someone does something wrong, and they show remorse, you forgive them. They made a wrong decision and they clearly regretted making it. But usually mistakes like that don't involve dozens of missiles being fired at cities killing hundreds of people, or some freak of nature being allowed to destroy the world, not only in the present, but in both the past and the future as well.

Seifer Almasy had killed many innocent people, and he had done it with a smile on his face, not caring about them. He showed no remorse. He was evil.

Yet Squall felt a strange feeling of guilt. Couldn't he have stopped Seifer earlier? What if the day before the SeeD exams, when he was sparring with Seifer he hadn't just left a scar, but had made his cut a little bit deeper? If only he had known then what he knew now. He could've prevented so much suffering so easily.

_If only I had known._

He had been helping out at Trabia. He could picture him walking around with that arrogant self-absorbed grin on his face, counting the tombstones and etching the score in a notebook.

Somehow every thought of Seifer made Squall churn with anger on the inside. They say you shouldn't hold a grudge. People change. Seifer changed. Caraway believed it. Irvine believed it. But even if he had changed, there was one thing that made it all not matter.

_Squall Leonhart held grudges._


	4. Chapter 3 Dreams

**Chapter 3: "Dreams"**

"Are you trying to justify what he did!"

The look in his eyes as Squall stepped up to her sent a shiver down her spine. Her every sense was telling her to get the hell out of there. She immediately backed away untill there was no where else to go. He had her cornered against a wall.

_-No…no… there's something wrong with you…Oh please…Hyne help me… -_

Almost freaking out she glanced over to the side to check her options and saw Zell standing at the ready. It was a slight comfort to see the martial artist watching out for her, but with Squall in such a state, not even he would stand a chance.

"I'm not saying what he did was right, Squall!"

Her voice was filled with fear.

"But his reasons were!"

The fire in his eyes was burning away at her face. Never before had she seen him like this. She replied, sobbing with tears in her eyes.

"He was chasing his dream…"

"So, what, even if I'm an insane psychopath that needs to rule the world, or better yet, _destroy_ the world and everyone in it to fullfill his dream…"

His voice tore into her brain like a chainsaw. The frustration and anger inside of him, all the bottled-up emotions suddenly burst out and clashed with the very first thing he saw, her.

She fell down to her knees and started sobbing.

"That's what you believe isn't it? That what that sick bastard did can be justified? I thought you cared about all the people he killed. I thought you wanted to stop him and that witch just as much as I did. Now you're saying that what he did was okay, because he was chasing his dream! You make me sick Quistis!"

His words fell like knives into her chest. Even though she knew that they came from his anger and hatred, she couldn't help but wonder if the words were true. She understood why Seifer had done what he had done, and had tried to make Squall understand as well. But he wouldn't listen. Not yet. Looking back she should've waited, it was too soon. But that realisation was, ironically, too late.

Squall's anger had spun out of control, and was now directing itself straight at Quistis.

"If you truly believe that, you don't belong here!"

She heard him unsheath Lionheart and looked up through her tears, watching him raise the gunblade in front of her. Not how she had expected her life to end, but somewhere she was glad that he'd be the one to take it.

Before he struck down she tried to say something, but her voice failed her.

_-Squall... -_

She closed her eyes and awaited his blade to strike her.

And she waited.

But it never struck.

Opening her eyes she found herself sitting straight up in her bed. Her long blonde strands sticking to her head and neck, wet with sweat. She looked around making sure she was really there, then slowly laid back down again. It was the third time that night she had that nightmare.

_-That can't be healthy.-_

Her heart was pounding viciously in her throat. It's scary how the worst nightmares of all are the ones that actually occurred in real life. She owed Zell her life that day, and had hugged him to death after the incident. He had knocked Squall straight out cold, much to everyone's surprise.

"Hey how come Zell's getting' all the lovin' here ladies?" Irvine had said when he came to see what all the ruckus was about, and a moment later received a black eye from Selphie.

One of the worst experiences in her life, yet she remembered that last part with a smile. Everyone had stayed exactly the same, except Squall. She didn't know why, but since that day she knew there was something wrong with him.

"Let's hope Zell will be in time once again."

* * *

"Seifer…"

The whisper cut through the darkness that filled the room, echoing throughout the vast expanded darkness within Squall's mind. Did he even whisper his name? Or did he just imagine he did? It didn't matter. At the mere thought every inch of his senses went completely numb before his body flooded with an immense warmth- no, immense heat. Warmth would mean it could be experienced as something pleasant, and this was a feeling that was far from it. The mention of his name or even just the thought of it, picturing his smug face in his mind, sent Squall spiraling down inside his own mind, falling deeper and deeper into the void of anger and hatred that had been ripped into his chest earlier that day.

It had always been there. The resentment towards Seifer, the blame Squall had aimed at him ever since he decided to hunt down his rediculous dream. But it had been sealed up inside of him up until now. After Quistis had confronted him about it once almost a year ago, no one had dared mention Seifer's name in the presence of their commander since. He hadn't meant to lash out at her that day, and he certainly hadn't meant to almost behead her. He couldn't even remember what she had said. All he remembered was not being able to stop a dark blur of emotions pouring out, sending him into an uncontrollable rage.

If it hadn't been for Zell, Quistis wouldn't be alive right now. He owed him more than he'd like to admit. He didn't blame her for not wanting to say goodbye to him in person. Hell, he was surprised she even bothered to leave him a note. Fondling in his pocket for a moment he produced the small piece of paper she had left him the day before.

_"Dear Squall,_

_Please take care, I'd hate to have to take your place as commander if anything happened to you. I don't think I'd be ready for that yet._

_Be sure to check in every once in a while, and don't forget Zell's birthday next month!_

_Yours sincerely,_

_Quistis."_

It was short, nothing surprising there. Quistis had always been to the point. Except of course, when she started her lecture about 'the wonderful world of junctioning!' part one, two _and_ three.

Zell's birthday was next month. And here he was, hoping that he'd be rid of them for six months.

Mentally cursing whoever it was that had invented the concept 'fate', Squall suddenly saw something he hadn't noticed before. At the bottom of the paper, scribbled almost unintelligible:

_"I'll miss you."_

What's this with people going on about how they will miss him? Especially someone like Quistis, who he had almost killed for no reason. Who knows what would've happened if Zell hadn't stopped him, he wouldn't have been able to forgive himself.

Squall liked to think that he felt guilty not because Quistis was his friend, or because he cared for her. But because it would've been a pointless death.

_-Caring is for the weak. Caring for someone gives you a weak spot. It makes you do things that go against your logic. Someone can take that caring and use it against you, make you do things that you know aren't right, but you have to do it because you do not want to risk losing your loved ones. Even if your actions end up hurting a dozen more people you don't even know, you do it to save that one person you care for. Now where's the logic in that? -_

No. Squall Leonhart didn't care. He had friends, if you could call them that. But when it came down to it, he was on his own. It was easier that way. Safer. More efficient. How was someone going to stop you when you weren't afraid to die, when you had nothing to lose?

That's where Squall got his strength.

_-Then how the hell did you beat Ultimecia, smart-ass? -_

He didn't do that on his own. 'The Lionheart' had help. 'The Fated Children' they had called them. Fated, what a laugh. They just happened to be the only ones that had the guts to pull it off. They had relied on eachother's strength in order to defeat that witch.

They had depended on one another, signaling a form of weakness in Squall's mind, yet they won the battle anyway. Were they each individually so strong that even while making such a mistake, showing such weakness, they overcame a foe that had the power to bend time?

Or was his philosophy flawed?

Squall shook his head and glanced out the window. Too late to start questioning his lifelong beliefs now. The sun was starting to rise, and already the sky was painted in different hues of blue and littered with slightly pinkish clouds. It had only just started and it had yet to reach its peak, but already it was a sight to behold. Too bad the splendor of colours was lost on Squall.

Squall had his mind set on different things. Such perilous things mattered not to him. Pretty soon his first day at Galbadia garden was about to start. He'd be gawked upon by half the Garden, if he had to believe Irvine, and he didn't really feel up to it at all. If it were up to him he'd stay in his dorm all day and get some sleep as he'd been up all night. Pondering. Wondering. Thinking.

_Hating._

The only thing that could get him to class today was the slight chance of meeting Seifer. The opportunity to settle things. He would give him a piece of his mind, before breaking Seifer's head open and taking a piece of his. Fair trade, right?

Squall felt a grin form on his face. Not because it seemed funny. Not because he was happy. Not because of the satisfaction that the thought of killing Seifer brought. This grin was the last defense Squall had. The only way to stop the barrage of emotions. The only way to stop his true feelings from spilling forth. It was the only thing standing between him…

_…And insanity._

* * *

The media. Ever interfering with others, sticking their noses where they don't belong. Always making assumptions and speculating about things they have very little to no knowledge of. Constantly looking at others and drawing conclusions that best fit to satisfy the lust of the readers every day. People tend to look at others and judge them, speak of them as if they know what is good or wrong about them, while they should really be looking at themselves, try to see why they act the way they do. They busy themselves with other people so they don't have to face their own imperfections, they're own incompetence.

In his own way, Squall did the same, just for different reasons. He watched other people, kept an eye on them, got a general idea of what goes on in their mind. But he did it for the sake of his own safety and security. In some situations it is a necessity to speculate on what someone would do, how someone would react. It is a way of staying a step ahead in battle, be it mentally or physically. It gives you an edge over your opponents.

But the newspapers were something different. they did it to amuse the mob. To make a profit out of it. And they weren't even doing a good job at it. Half the time they would be totally wrong about what they were writing, and this time was no different.

Squall threw the newspaper on the desk in front of him and leaned back on his chair against the wall. He had intentionally positioned himself in the back off the classroom, to hopefully remain undetected. Keeping a low profile was more of a habit than a challenge for him, but had become increasingly harder since he had become the commander of Balamb Garden. No one in Galbadia Garden had bothered (or dared) to speak to him since he arrived there last night, much to his delight.

He observed his new classmates. He silently hoped that Seifer would be among them, but he soon figured that Caraway had arranged for him to be placed in a different class. No matter. After classes were over he would have a chat with the headmaster of this Garden and 'persuade' him to reveal where Seifer was currently residing. He could just go right now, but starting trouble on his first day here somehow seemed as something less then desirable. Killing Seifer had a high priority in his mind, but he had another three months to go here after that, no point in getting a bad reputation for skipping class.

He had been running on coffee for the last two hours but he felt the exhaustion finally get hold of him. He leaned back a bit more and continued studying his class as he started to slowly doze off. Irvine hadn't been lying, he noticed. The majority of the students here were actually female.

_-Not a bad thing I suppose. -_

The teacher had started his lecture about unimportant rules and regulations within Garden, things that Squall had actually been teaching himself at Balamb, and if it were up to him he wouldn't have even been there. But the new laws required him to follow these classes, wether he helped design them or not.

The two girls in front of him caught his attention as they started glancing back at him and began mumbling to one another. Couldn't they let a guy sleep in class in peace?

But then he saw what they were mumbling about. In front of them they had a copy of today's paper, with a huge photograph of him on its front page and with big bold letters below it:

_"Mysterious meeting Caraway and Leonhart"_

Great. just great. This was going to be a long day. He just knew it.

"It's him!" The girl on the left whispered a bit all too loud as she looked back at Squall yet again, startled to see him suddenly leaning so close to her.

"One more sound from you," He replied in a low voice, "...and you will instantly lose a good 8 kilograms off your neck."

Casually Squall leaned back against the wall again while tapping Lionheart next to him and closed his eyes, not waiting to see how they reacted. He didn't need to, the desired effect had been attained.

_-That ought to shut them up for now. -_

Not too long after that, squall dozed off.

* * *

The sound of rain crashing into the windows woke him up. It was raining? Since when? Maybe he should've checked the weather report when he had the chance. The sun had been shining all morning and there were almost no clouds in the sky. How on earth could it be raining now? He looked around the classroom and let his eyes adjust to the darkness. The lights were turned off, how long had he been asleep?

"What the..."

He glanced over at the windows. Was he even in the same classroom? He could've sworn the door and windows had switched places. And why the hell was it dark and raining all of a sudden? It all gave off a bit of an eerie feeling, it was like he woke up in an entirely different place. Was someone playing a joke on him?

He returned his gaze to the classroom and saw the silhouettes of the students in front of him, all sitting in a perfect straight position, facing the teacher's desk. The teacher... He strained his eyes to try and make out anything, but the shadows made it impossible to see if he was there or not. Instinctively Squall reached back for Lionheart, but he found nothing.

_-How? I know I brought it with me. What's going on here? -_

What felt like only moments ago, he had been sitting in a classroom, trying to ignore the mumblings of his fellow students. Now he was somewhere completely different, in an atmosphere that was making his skin crawl. He was surprised that there were no flashes of lightning and roaring thunder outside.

As if someone had read his mind, the entire room lit up for a split second. No thunder accompanied it though, and even if it had Squall would have never heard it. For what he saw made his heart skip a beat.

there was someone sitting at the teacher's desk, that was for sure. more like slumped over the desk, but that wasn't what made Squall jump up from his chair. What startled him were the silhouettes... the people in front of him, or the people he _thought_ were in front of him. For that short moment that the room was lit up brightly by the lightning, they had vanished. He could see them sitting there clearly in the dark, but the light had made them look transparent.

_-Ghosts? -_

Squall shook his head and closed his eyes a good few seconds. This just had to be a dream.

_-Get a grip Squall, you're seeing things. -_

Confident that when he would open his eyes again he'd wake up, Squall took a deep breath before looking around the room again. He was still there. _They _were still there.

"Okay enough with this nonsense. what's going on here?"

His voice seemed to be absorbed into the darkness itself when he spoke, not even the slightest faint of an echo could be heard. Hearing no reply, he cautiously took a step to the front of the room, towards the teacher's desk. Taking notice of the shadows around him, but never taking his eyes off the dark corner he was headed for, Squall approached the desk. As he got closer he suddenly heard noises around him. The sound of clothes, fabric, people shifting in their seats.

He spun around and again made a futile attempt to grab Lionheart. The one who had taken away his gunblade would pay dearly when he got out of here. He swore it.

They were all looking at him. Squall's eyes darted around the room from shadow to shadow. The students, or whatever they were, while keeping their straight posture, had all turned to face him. Yet they remained unmoving. It was as if they weren't there, but he could clearly see them. And apparently they had taken notice of him as well. Was he losing his mind?

Seeing as they now all knew that he was there, and still hadn't attacked him yet, he assumed they weren't hostile. A slight comfort.

Turning his attention back to the teacher, Squall walked up to the desk and closely examined it. The teacher was resting his head on it. Was he resting? He certainly wasn't moving.

Then Squall noticed something. His neck... it was severed. Not only that, but Lionheart was sticking out from the back of it. Judging from the wound there should be a tremendous amount of blood, but there was none to be found.

_-Who killed this man? Is he even dead? Who is it? -_

The pace of his heart quickened again as he examined the man's head. He turned his head to the side to look at his face, and Squall's entire body froze. He knew this man.

"Seifer...?"

Suddenly the half-decapitated Seifer opened his eyes and spoke to him, causing Squall to stumble back and trip over a chair and hit his head on a desk, yelping in pain.

"My, my. We have a new student here today."

"...What?"

"Come on, don't be shy."

Squall opened his eyes to find the teacher grinning broadly at him. He wasn't that close, but already Squall could smell the cloud of cologne that enveloped the man. The combination of that and what had just happened made his stomach churn.

_-So it _was_ a dream. -_

"All students attending at Garden are required to wear their uniform."

He stepped up and brushed against Squall's fur collar.

_-Touch me again and lose your arm. -_

"Why aren't you wearing yours?"

_-I'm your freaking boss, what the hell do you think? -_

"...Article 15, section 6, subsection B."

Squall pointed at a copy of the SeeD lawbook that was on the teacher's desk and adjusted his jacket, strengthening his point, followed by mumbling and snickering throughout the classroom as the teacher started fidgetting through the book, looking for the article.

While the man was reading through it for a couple of moments, Squall patiently awaited his reply, feeling the eyes of the people around fixed on him. Somehow it felt pleasant, as opposed to the effect the shadows from his dream just had. He quickly glanced outside to make sure the sun was still shining. He wasn't going crazy just yet.

"I see you know your way around the lawbook." The teacher snickered at him, still confident he could take him.

_-I should, I wrote half the damn thing. -_

"So... what? You're saying you're a graduate then?"

"Something like that."

"If that is true, then what are you doing in this class?"

"Article 32. But I would read it another time if I were you. it covers 129 pages."

The entire class was now talking aloud and glancing over at them. This new kid on the block was their new source of entertainment. The girl in front of him looked back at him again, and Squall gave her a menacing look that could've halted a stampeding herde of Behemoths.

The smug grin that had been present on the teachers face faded as he found the article in question. He had placed this boy all wrong in his mind.

"_You _are the commander?" He managed to stutter and looked up from his book as the buzzer went off, signaling the end of the period. Squall returned his look with an icy gaze, annoyed that by now the entire class knew who he was. As quickly as possible he made is escape, avoiding eyecontact with anyone as he left the room, leaving a baffled teacher behind him, along with a rather excited classroom.

He had to find Seifer. He was starting to dream about his death now. The sooner he found him the better.

But around the corner he was halted by a young girl.

"Commander?"

"What?" He snapped back at her, attempting to walk past her. She blocked his path.

"I need to speak with you sir."

"I'm busy." He shoved her aside and started off down the hallway. There was no time for idle chat, he had been stalled enough already. However, her next remark made him spin around.

"It's about Seifer."

* * *

A/N: The dream Squall had is an idea I got from a nightmare I myself had once. Without Seifer and lionheart of course, but with those people looking at me. Scariest thing of all was, they had no eyes, just two black holes, and they all wore marks and wounds, wounds bad enough to kill them. but there was no blood. 'twas scawy indeed ;; 


	5. Chapter 4 In the nick of time

A/N: If this chapter seems a lot different from the previous 3, it's becauseit has been over a year sinceI wrotethe first 3 chapters. Now a year later I continue this story, andif there are any apparent changes I hope those are for the better.

* * *

**Chapter 4: "In the nick of time"**

Squall had never been good at controlling his own emotions, he preferred to try and not feel anything at all honestly. He could be in turmoil on the inside, and no one would ever notice. He'd be as calm as he always was, or tried to be at least. More or less keeping up a facade of serenity, hiding behind his position and rank using formality as an excuse not to either enjoy or regret any moment whatsoever. But right now it felt like his organs had been put into a blender set to full speed. This was testing the limits of his self-control, limits that had been rarely surpassed.

For a minute there he had contemplated snapping the woman's neck out of shear frustration. While fire burned at the back of his throat he had managed to maintain his composure and hadn't even flinched as the woman repeated her earlier statement after he exclaimed "What!" with disbelief filling his voice. Swallowing hard and keeping any words of anger from flowing forth he had nodded as she explained further. Clenching his fists as she spoke, he had taken in as much information as his thoughts could let in at that moment, a barrage of emotions flooding almost every corner of his mind.

He finally reached the courtyard of Galbadia garden, walking as fast as he could without actually jogging. He was in a hurry so it would be best not to get interrupted. The few students that were idling around didn't really seem to mind him at all, thank Hyne. Perhaps the fear of being overwhelmed by freshmen wanting to have a talk with 'the commander' had been exaggerated a bit in his mind. Or maybe they just hadn't recognized him yet. As long as they just didn't talk to him, all would be fine.

So Seifer was at Trabia then? No matter. Good thing he had requested to look up his current location, or he would have been strolling around Galbadia all day looking for him. There were some people ill-informed over here if even Caraway didn't know Seifer was at Trabia. Apparently he had requested to be sent away as an exchange student, and since they needed help there, they had eagerly fulfilled his request. Did they even realize just who they were sending over there?

But, whether he'd be buried here at Galbadia or over there, it didn't exactly foil Squall's plans. There were so many people that died in Trabia in the missile attack that Seifer caused, he was sure they'd have one more spot open for him on the burial grounds. It would be a suiting end, the witch's lackey buried next to the people that he caused so much pain and misery. Squall couldn't wait to have him rotting away in the soil. _After_ he was done with him of course. Oh the things he was going to do to him would make him wish for the same fate as his victims had.

"E-Excuse me?"

Squall was snapped out of his train of thoughts and fantasies about the amount of agony he would bestow upon his archenemy by the voice of a young boy. The boy was around thirteen years of age he reckoned, with short curly hair in a complete mess, probably because he had been late for school this morning, and holding an issue of today's newspaper. Why Squall immediately noticed these things and subconsciously speculated about the reasons for all of these details, he blamed on his SeeD training.

"A-Are you…?"

With eyes wide open the boy was staring back and forth from Squall to the newspaper. The frontpage displayed a picture of Squall in his usual attire, exactly the same as the man standing before him. Slightly startled at the sight of this celebrity in front of him he never managed to even finish his sentence.

"What?"

Squall spat his words at the young boy, effectively forcing him a few steps back. The boy must've been mistaken, this was probably just a big bully that wanted to look like that man so that he could mess with people's minds, and attract attention to himself. How mean. But Squall wanted to achieve the exact opposite of attracting attention.

"N-Nothing…"

Without another word he resumed his stampede towards the outer gates of the garden. He wouldn't let some casual talk get in his way, nor any young children that wanted to idolize him. He had enough time for that the rest of his life, right now he had someone to meet, and to let that someone meet his Lionheart up close and personal, preferably the blunt side of it to make it hurt more and last longer. But right before his thoughts got back on the tracks of revenge and payback again, he got interrupted a second time, by someone not willing to step aside for him. He moved to the left and back to the right, but he moved along with him untill they were face to face, it was only then that he realized just who was standing in front of him.

"Zell?"

"Hey Squall! Long time no see!"

The martial artist stood in front of him with a smile as wide as the gates behind him. What was he talking about? He just saw him the day before when he said goodbye. Weren't they going to organize a party of some sorts? Forget that, what was he doing here in Galbadia?

Zell stood in front of him shifting from side to side, and scratched the back of his head with a goofy grin on his face.

"You're probably wondering what I'm doing here, huh? Well, after you left it got me thinking, and I decided to do my three months here along with you. The same rules go for me since I wanna be a martial arts instructor and all…"

Squall didn't really care about that at the moment, he just wanted to get out of here and off to trabia, chopping heads off and everything. His trigger finger was itching.

"So I'll be going to school here with ya! Awesome right! Oh and Irvine told me about all the girls here and everything and I didn't really believe him but when I got here I was like WHOA! There are so many they are all over the place, and cute too! AWW MAN! I can't wait! Let's go to the cafetaria here right now and pick up some chicks! I'll swipe them off their feet with my awesome moves!"

Squall stood there for a few seconds with a disturbed look on his face, glancing over at the gates a few times wishing he was behind them already, ignoring the martial artist's fancy-move-show he started. Why did Zell have to come over here now? Here he was vividly imagining using Seifer's head as a football, why did he have to get interrupted?

Zell noticed the odd look on his face and stared at him questioningly.

"What they don't have hot dogs here? SAY IT ISN'T SO!"

Zell started clawing at his hair in fear, and Squall, as intent as he was on killing people, couldn't help but shake his head.

"Maybe later ok?"

_-Hyne, just make him go away, please.-_

"Aw come on! It'll be fun!"

"I kind of have something I need to take care of right now"

"It can wait I bet. You're heading out of the garden, so it has nothing to do with classes right?"

"It does. I just have to go."

Why oh why was he giving him such a hard time? Maybe he just had to knock him down and make a run for it, it'd be quicker. This was starting to piss him off.

_-For Hyne's sake man, let me through.-_

"You're a bad liar you know that? Come on you can show me my room, I asked them to place me near you!"

Zell put his arm around his buddy and started to move him back towards the garden. He was really starting to give him a hard time and this was delaying him more and more. He had to think of something. Perhaps the knocking out thing wasn't such a bad idea after all. He was forced back a few steps and then shrugged Zell's arm off of him.

"Let me go! I have to leave!"

His sudden outburst of anger got all the hatred for Seifer flowing again. With fire seering in his eyes he looked at the startled Zell and noticed he had instinctively already reached for the handle on lionheart. Not that he would use it on him, not unless it was absolutely necessary, but he knew Zell would've noticed as well. Last thing he wanted was to give away his true intentions. Zell simply looked back at him a bit surprised, and then got a more serious look on his face.

"Look…"

Zell put his bag on the ground started fiddling with his gloves. Squall was now certain that he had noticed him grabbing for his gunblade.

"I know what you're about to do, ok? Irvine filled me in on Seifer… I can't let you go man."

He knew. Did everyone know but him? It would make sense that they didn't fill him in if he thought about it, they probably knew him better than he did himself. But Squall wasn't in a reasonable state right now, and both of their actions were edging towards a fight. He wanted to go, Zell wanted him to stay. He unsheathed his gunblade further and got ready for an attack from Zell. Not that he was expecting it, but you can never be too sure.

_-Then you know you won't stop me. -_

"Don't have to fight you know? Just stay here today and we can talk about this. I don't like Seifer either but you gotta give him a chance."

"Shut up."

He was looking quite calm on the outside, but an inferno was raging within him. Withe those words he stepped forward and took a swing at Zell as a warning. His gunblade would cut him up in seconds and he knew he was faster and stronger than him. There was no way in Hades he was going to stop him from going to Trabia. He just needed him to back down now or he would be forced to hurt him, something they would both regret. He halted his swing right before he would strike, only to find out to his shock that Zell had disappeared.

_-What the…? -_

As he was about to speak the words out loud he saw a flash of red in the corner of his eye, and instinctively dodged down and to the side to avoid catching Zell's fist in the eye. He swung his blade up at where the hit would have landed but only caught air, as his opponent was fast enough to dodge it. This would be the first move of an elaborate dance between the two.

_-Too slow-… -_

His thoughts were interrupted as he was still leaning back from the dodge he performed and felt his feet lift up from the ground. Now hanging in mid-air he glanced to the side where Zell was and caught a short glimpse of his elbow moving towards his face at high velocity. How did Zell get so fast? Or did he himself slow down? Was he using magic? No, Zell was a truly horrid magic user… Just what the hell was going on here? He was no match for Squall, how could this be?

Too many thoughts raced through his mind and finally combined into a mindnumbing pain in his fore-head as Zell's hit landed. The sounds quickly became distant as he couldn't open his eyes anymore, and the last thought crossed his mind.

_-He knocked me out…? -_

* * *

"What if… it were different?" 

"What do you mean?"

"Too vague for you?"

"_Your question can have a thousand different answers. It's too complicated."_

"Not complicated. It is the simplest of questions. What if? Two words. How complicated can two words be? Or three…?"

_"It may be a simple question, but what you're asking is impossible to answer."_

"Not impossible. Tell me, do you believe in fate?"

_"Fate? I don't know."  
_

"Do you believe that everything happens the way it's supposed to happen?"

_"That would mean we have no control over our lives. If that were true then why are we here?"_

"We are here because we are here. The real question is, will it matter?"

_"Will it matter…?"_

"It is a matter of choice. Left or right? Back or forth? Now or later? Black or with cream? One or two lumps?"

_"What does coffee have to do with fate?"_

"Not fate. Choice…"

"You're not making any sense."

"It's all a matter of choice. _Your_ choices to be exact."

_"What about my choices? I don't understand."_

"You don't have to understand. You just have to be aware."

_"Aware of what?"_

"Most of the time people make choices and they don't even know it. Maybe it's because of habit, or maybe it's because they let themselves be led by their hearts, rather than their minds."

_"How can you make a choice without knowing it?"_

"Emotion. Whether or not to act upon it may be a choice, but for most, that choice is made with their hearts. To run scared from a frightening situation or to fight through it. To embrace someone you love or to decline and send them off for 'the greater good'. To push the blade through or not. To allow the world to be destroyed or not."

"What?"

"It was your choice that allowed the entire ordeal to occur in the first place."

_"My choice?" _

"During the sparring fight. You could've struck deeper."

_"That isn't fair. I didn't know at the time."_

"Maybe you should have known. Shouldn't you have seen it coming? The eternal rivalry. The never-ending quest to be better than the other. It couldn't end up any other way. Two opposites can never be on one side together."

_"Then how could I have known on wich side I'd be?"_

"You couldn't have known. You could've merely guessed."

_"I…"_

"What if you struck me down right now? Ended my life. It would not change what I have done. Nor would it give me any chance to make amends. How could you be absolutely sure that killing me now would be the right thing to do?"

_"I feel as though I must."_

"You are letting your heart choose, not your mind."

_"Even so, how can I know what is the right thing to do?"_

"You'll have to guess."

_"What if I guess wrong?"_

"What if you already did?"

* * *

What was this pounding pain in his head? It felt like that time he had eaten Selphie's cooking, It looked awful, smelled even worse and the taste was beyond description. It took him days to recover from it. Oh the horror. He promised his intestins never to let them go through something like that ever again. 

He tried to open his eyes, the bright white light felt like it was burning holes into his synapses. He closed them again and swallowed hard and almost choked on his own tongue. Water. He needed water. With great resolve he opened his eyes a second time and managed to look around a bit. He was in the infirmary? It would explain the terrible pain searing through his mind. Suddenly it all came back to him. His mouth opened and he whispered his name in a broken voice.

"Zell."

He heard no response and lifted his head up to look around the room. He wasn't alone. Zell was asleep on a chair in the corner, surrounded by empty hotdog wrappers and snoring louder then a chainsaw. Squall quickly searched around on the table next to him in search of some form of projectile. Preferably something sharp and heavy, Zell would pay dearly for his actions. He would have to make due with a plastic cup and threw it at the fighter, striking him in the middle of his face, startling him greatly as he fell of the chair in surprise.

"No Selphie I said not in the face!"

For a few seconds he looked around him cautiously before he slowly started to get up, as if he was expecting multiple enemies to come in at any time. After everything seemed clear he looked around again dazed and confused, only to find Squall looking at him with a questioning look on his face.

"What… were you… dreaming…?"

Zell ignored his question and got back on his chair, took a quick glance at the plastic cup and then looked around again as if to make sure there wasn't anyone else in there, before he relaxed again.

"So how's your head?"

_-It feels as though my head got caught between two trains colliding at topspeed, you monkey. -_

"Fine."

It wasn't fine at all, he was almost writhing in agony. Just how the hell did it happen anyway? Did he put concrete in his gloves or something?

"Sorry if I hit you too hard, I just had to stop you, you know. You weren't thinking straight."

Squall looked away. This wasn't what he wanted to hear, but he knew Zell wouldn't let it go that easily. That thickheaded short-fused fighter somehow could persuade him into almost anything. Like, say, stealing hotdogs from the cafetaria in the middle of the night? He had this way of getting him to do what he wanted, and a weird way of actually getting through to him. Not that he'd ever let him know that.

"I know you want to make Seifer pay, and I used to be all for that as well… but lately I've been thinking… what good does it do to kill him you know? Sure he'd be dead and we'd be playing football with his head and he'd got what he deserved…"

_Playing football with his head was my revenge damnit, get your own.  
_

"But wouldn't it be better if we like, let him try to help make things better? You don't have to like it, but it's better if he's alive and helping out instead of him just being dead."

What Zell was saying was making sense, in a weird way. Even though he wanted to kill Seifer more than anything, the idea of using him as a slave and make him do chores and work his hands to the bone sounded appealling. Of course, in reality things were a little different, but the idea he got this way seemed more bearable.

"He's over with Matron right now, let's wait what she has to say ok? At least have a little trust in her?"

Hoping his words would convince Squall to stay he sat on the edge of his seat, not knowing he had already persuaded him.

"Besides, you can always kill him later right? And he's away to Trabia for months, chances are you'll never have to meet him anyway. By the time you go to Trabia he'll be going back to Galbadia so you won't run into eachother, Quistis already arranged it and I'll be going with you all the way so you wo-"

"Wait, you're going with me?"

"Yeah baby! I asked Cid if it was ok and he said sure so I was like WOOHOO! You know? We can be roomies and stuff but no wait you're the commander you have your own room I forgot but that doesn't matter because we can still go out at night and go to the girl dorms and everything and steal hotdogs in the cafetaria here! Hotdogs Baby, yeah!"

Squall rested his head back down on the pillow again with a loud sigh, completely oblivious to the ranting fighter nearby. This was going to be a long three months. Hold up, six months even. Partly it was comforting to have Zell with him. Partly he was a great nuisance to have around. But at least this would help him to keep his mind off of Seifer for the time being. He could always kill him later, Zell said so too. He's probably expected to not kill Seifer… the thought of his name alone created a ball of disgust churning in his stomache.

_-I make no promises. -_

_

* * *

_

A/N: If you're confused about the conversation part, it's kind of a dream sequence.


End file.
